Relationship advice for people looking for love.
|
|
Online Dating: When to give someone a Second Chance and when not to?
Long-term relationships require a certain amount of patience. If the person in your life is the source of all of your problems, when do you call it quits in the name of self-protection?
 |
|
What should you give a second chance? If this question seems to keep popping up in your relationship, most likely you two have dealt with some tough issues and some pain with your partner.
|
|
|
If you’re the one who has been hurt maybe by some cheating or lying or some other issue like your partners inability to commit - then you may face a difficult dilemma.
On one hand, you really like and care about this person but on the other hand, you think about how important it is to protect yourself. You realize that there comes a time when you have to be willing to say, Enough Already.
The million dollar question is, When is that time? How do you know when the line has been crossed? That magic line that means its time to say no to a second chance? There are no easy answers to this question but there are some simple guidelines we can follow to make sure we’re making good decisions as we try to do the right thing in terms of our relationship.
Online Dating: A Second Chance could be Warranted If:
|
|
Wanna Chat with Someone?
Try our Instant Messenger!
Login! |
|
You know this person well. If he or she has been your partner for a good while, long enough to know each other on a genuine and intimate level. If you have serious doubts about the person’s character, or credibility or ability to do the right thing over time, then it may be time to walk away. But if this person who has shown time and again a commitment to you and to your relationship - if this person has earned your trust throughout the time you’ve been together - then you may determine that this person deserves a second chance and that you can offer forgiveness for a momentary lapse.
Change is probable. This point goes hand-n-hand to the first one. If you see that your partner has achieved genuine growth and insight, then you may want to at least consider your partner’s suggestion at a second chance. The real question is not whether or not the person is sorry - that’s not enough. The real question is whether you genuinely believe that real change is truly probable, not just possible and that you’re both willing to put in the work that is required.
Be careful with this point, because you don’t rationalize yourself into offering a second chance just because the other person uses the “I didn’t know fault” line. But there really are times when some unusual situation arises that helps explain why someone doesn’t act they way that person usually would.
You receive enough benefits from the relationship that you’re willing to forgive and overlook certain problems. Let’s face it: All relationships are going to have problems. We can put up with the problems because we like the good we receive along with those problems. So decide just how much you’re willing to put up with and figure out how much you’re getting from the relationship. Remember: It’s never OK to stay in a relationship where you’re being mistreated or disrespect.
Online Dating: A Second Chance is NOT Warranted When:
You really don’t believe the person will change. This is when honesty with yourself is most important. Listen to your heart and what’s deep down inside. If you know that offering a second chance will simply prolong the hurt you feel, then do the right thing and walk away. Yes, it’s hard to do but you’ve got to be willing to just say no - and to mean it - when you know that you can’t trust this person to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
If there’s a pattern and this isn’t an isolated incident. If you’ve already given someone a second chance - then a third and a fourth - and things don’t change, then you need to recognize what’s happening and move on. One slip-up isn’t a pattern but if you see the same behavior over and over again, don’t lie to yourself and continue to believe it won’t happen again.
If the people who really care about you tell you it’s time to face the facts. If everyone who really knows you is telling you to get on with your life without this person, then it’s probably a good idea to listen. Sure, they could all be wrong. But when you’re honest with yourself, you know that you should at least consider their opinions. Ask yourself whether there’s a chance that everyone who loves you and wants what’s best for you might be right. And if you determine that they are, then it’s time to move on.
When the person can’t or wont help himself or herself. One of the most painful realizations a person can ever come to is the awareness that the person he or she loves is dealing with some sort of addiction. If your partner is facing addiction and is trying to deal with it in a positive way with the help of an expert or a support group, then you may want to stay and support your partner. But if he or she refuses to get help with the problem, then you owe it to yourself to say goodbye. It’s hard to do, but it may be the most loving thing you can do for this person, since your refusal to enable the habit may force the person to deal with the reality of the pain he or she is experiencing and causing in other people’s lives.
When you consider the guidelines above, they all amount to one basic principle: Take care of yourself first. If taking care of yourself means forgiving and working hard to salvage a relationship, then forgive and move forward. But taking care of yourself may mean being honest with yourself to acknowledge that it’s time to end the relationship. Making that move isn’t easy, but it could mean you’ll have a whole new future full of new possibilities with online dating.
Back >>> |
|
|
|
